My Masculinity

About fifteen years ago I bought my first purse. The traditional male wallet no longer met my needs, being too small to hold all the items I wanted to carry and too uncomfortable in a back pocket. I have no need to refer to my purse as a “man bag”.

I have long realized that I do not fit the profile of a typical man. Of course, that very concept is highly problematic. Fortunately for me the society I live in has made significant progress in understanding the complexity of true masculinity. So have I.

The Bem Sex-Role Inventory was developed by Sandra Bem in 1974 and was the first test designed to objectively assess an individual’s masculinity and femininity. The BSRI has been both widely used and widely criticized for decades. Gradually society is moving away from stereotyping but there is still considerable room for more progress.

On the BSRI I score 60 out of 100 masculine points and 55 out of 100 feminine points. I wonder how many men would be uncomfortable with such scores? Why can’t all of us, both men and women, be completely comfortable with the way we are? That is not as easy as it sounds because understanding the self takes much effort, much struggle. The family and societal expectations we internalize are major barriers, insurmountable for some.

I would describe myself as often being moody, loyal, sensitive to others’ needs, tactful and gentle. I am not often competitive, assertive or ambitious. And I like who I am.

More than once in my career I have received feedback during a workplace performance appraisal that I am not tough enough as a manager. In my experience, managerial toughness is overrated and too often used as justification for unnecessary insensitivity to employees, particularly those at lower levels in organizations. Also, not enough credit is given to the tender for the ability of the head to rule the heart. A tender individual can make tough decisions and I have made my fair share during my career.

Compared to many men, I am quite emotional. While on far too many days I battle to keep my emotions under control, I find my emotional reactions very helpful and usually vindicated by subsequent events. Often when something doesn’t feel right, as time passes specific reasons emerge that confirm my original gut reaction. This can be a powerful advantage for a manager and I sometimes marvel at how slow executives can be to see the “obvious”. Perhaps I have a healthy amount of what gets mislabeled as women’s intuition!

Gender also plays out in significant ways in mental health and mental illness and that will be the topic of my next post.